So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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