I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
