Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
