the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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