I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
