he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
