a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She's the barista slut.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
