just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
