grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
