i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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