ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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