don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize