Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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