I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize