he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
