We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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