Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
