There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
