Kiss
Puke
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Randomize