the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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