we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
