Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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