I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
