If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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