Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
