You're my little dorito
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
