I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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