Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just cropdusted the office
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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