i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
