There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
