i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
