Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
