i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
