Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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