oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
