so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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