it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
