If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
