I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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