very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
either way he was missing a nipple.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize