This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
