dude i'm inner monologue high
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
