Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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