I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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