I wanna bring you to show and tell
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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