hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
