Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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