Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
