Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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