Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
