she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The air taste purple.
Randomize
