I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
