The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize