I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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