Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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