Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
