i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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