so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
