Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
