Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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