just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
