Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
