"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
