my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's just like the Real World with babies
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
