Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
