2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
