do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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