im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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